…but I’m going to trust Him.

Remember? That last post I wrote about prayer and God’s will and plan?

Last Thursday we were on our way to a dinner with the men’s group that Tony is in and I was helping him review his verses that he was to memorize. One of the verses was Romans 12:2.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Well I sure would love to know His pleasing and perfect will right now because THIS CRAP SUCKS.

I’m sure it’s a good one, but the means by which He is getting the point across is not cool.

Basically, right when we thought 2016 couldn’t get any worse? It goes and gets REALLY BAD.

On Saturday night at 7:45 Tony, the girls and I were all sitting around chatting, giggling and watching TV. Not 10 minutes later we get a call about Tony’s older brother Todd.

And just like that our lives changed.

Our hearts dropped to the floor.

Literally one minute we were laughing. The next minute…

It’s hard to remember much about that phone call. I answered. Jolene (Tony’s stepmom) is crying and asking for Tony. Tony gets the phone and I can tell he’s having great difficulty understanding. Not only because of the emotions and tears of Jolene, but also because of the news she is passing to him. He drops the phone. I grab the phone and she says the same to me. I am understanding, but I am not understanding.

I immediately sent the girls downstairs to do something other than listen to us.

My mind is a fog. The room is SILENT, but the room is YELLING AT ME at the same time. Tony’s head is in his hands. Jolene asks, ‘Are you understanding what I’m saying to you, Melissa?’.

I only said…‘We need to think about what you are saying. I need to call you back.’

When I hung up the phone, we looked at each other. Dumbfounded. It’s like we weren’t even here. Like someone had come in, picked up my body, put it over there and now I was looking at my own self. Trying to understand something SO HARD to understand.

You know when people say, ‘I was utterly shocked’… as an everyday expression? I bet 95% of the time they really aren’t.

‘Utterly shocked’ is exactly what we were.

Tony kept saying, ‘I think I’m going to be sick’ and we just kept staring at each other. We reapeatedly said, ‘She’s not right. This is not true. There’s a mistake.’

She was right.

It is true.

There is no mistake.

WHY ISN’T THIS A MISTAKE?! HOW CAN THIS BE TRUE?! WHY IS SHE RIGHT?!

Todd Patrick Gibson was born on June 23, 1970.

He died on December 17, 2016.

He was a father to 3 girls very close in age to our 3 oldest girls. Julia is 14, Amanda is 12 and Becca is 10. Would you pray for them? When you do, would you say their names just to make sure God knows? Because really, I want to be VERY SURE He knows not to forget about Todd’s girls.

Would you pray for Tony? For their sister, Laurie? Would you also remember their dad, Wallace and Todd’s mom, Peggy? I haven’t lost a sibling and I haven’t lost a child in this way, but I can tell you by seeing it first hand that it SUCKS.

And what is God’s plan in this? How could taking a dad from three sweet young girls be a good plan?! I mean. I’ve never really wanted to ask WHAT THE HECK, GOD???!!! But right now I can’t really come up with a better question for Him. Mostly I can only trust Him. That this idea of leaving these girls without a dad, of leaving his mom without a child, of leaving his dad behind….is going to turn out for the best. Somehow. Some way. This is going to be okay. I know it is. God reassures me on so many things that He is with us. I know that’s true and that this family will be okay.

Now, that verse that God has us saying over and over and over again in the car on Thursday? Isn’t that amazing?

I don’t know why this happened and I don’t know His pleasing and perfect will, but I do know these two things:

1. 2016 can KISS MY ASS.

2. I’m going to trust God.