Dear Lady at Dinner,

I really feel like your title should be RUDE Lady at Dinner, but whatever.

Here’s the deal.  I saw that you noticed me walk in with my four kids.  One wiggly one on my hip and three following behind me like little (okay, somewhat large) ducks.  Did you know that the two biggest ones hadn’t been home from school very long once we arrived at the restaurant?  Did you know that they’d changed clothes quickly and freshened up?  Maybe you didn’t notice that.  You were too busy worrying about, I don’t know, something?  Us?  Sitting next to you? Anyway, WE noticed that YOU noticed us.

Where is her husband?  You were probably thinking.

Oh!  Him.  Did you think I was attemtping to feed all of these kids, out at a restaurant ON A FRIDAY NIGHT, on my own?

Maybe that’s why you were staring.

My husband?  Was on his way after finishing up a VERY long week at work.  Actually?  A very long month and a half at work.  He’s was hungry.  So were we.  Hence, the reason we were at a restaurant.

Of course, you heard the baby screeching a bit.

Yes, it WAS obvious that you were annoyed.  I saw the scowl.

Maybe it’s been a while since you had kids.  Maybe you never had kids.  Maybe you don’t like kids.  I don’t know; but here’s the thing.  MY kid is in the Let Me Down Right Now stage.  That brought on the hoopin’ and hollerin’ for a minute there.

LITERALLY ONE MINUTE.

But good news!  WE WERE SEATED ON A PATIO.

And that’s when I noticed you whispering to your husband and pointing your finger towards us.  (That was your husband, right?  I’m not sure since he looked so much YOUNGER than you.)  No, really.  I saw it because I was actually only at the very next table.

So basically what you DID notice is this:

1 mom + 4 kids

1 kid getting antsy and loud

And what you DID NOT notice is this:

3 kids sat nicely. 

3 kids put their napkins in their laps. 

The baby’s face was squeaky clean as was the diaper.  I know, because I took extra care to clean both areas right before. 

1 mom who worked hard to find appropriate eating out clothes

Everyone had on shoes.

1 8 year old who reads on an upper 5th grade level.  

1 6th grader who can whoop the fire out of anyone on the soccer field. 

All people had clean fingernails and nobody had their finger in their nose. 

1 mom who spent FORever straightening her curly hair just to look cute for her high school sweetheart. 

1 8th grader who has her heart set on being a marine biologist and loves horses. 

Everyone had on clean panties. 

1 13 month old who has the cutest baby teeth ever. 

Everyone had on clean panties.  (that is worth repeating)

3 girls who didn’t have their elbows on the table. (you did) 

1 mom who would hold her baby on her lap the entire meal.  Eating with only one hand and at every 3 bites because she’s feeding the baby first. 

3 girls who didn’t DARE pull out their devices, but instead were talking to each other about school. 

1 mom who has cooked three meals a day for way too many days and just wanted to NOT cook one night. 

That is what you didn’t see. Why?  Because you were too worked up over ONE MINUTE of baby screeching.  You were too busy whispering to your husband about us.  Too tattle-tale-y to the server when you said you refused to sit by us.  Did you know that babies make noise?  That moms sometimes get frazzled when they do?  Did you think that I PLANNED for my child to have a 60 second freak out moment?  Oh, yes, of course I did.  Silly me.

Guess what Rude Lady at Dinner?  My 13 month old cried out for 60 seconds.

Guess what else?  I’m doing a damn fine job at this so you can suck it.

Sincerely,

The redhead with the perfectly straightened hair and cheese grits on her shirt.