In case you missed the last episode of The Moms Group:  Here ya’ go

For your giggling pleasure today.

One of my favorite questions comes from a mom with some confusion on basic linen usage.

Mom #211: “How do you keep your kiddos from getting cold after a bath?” 

Oh.

Bless it.

I’m not sure what’s more terrifying.  The question itself or the answers she was given.

Y’all.

Bump up your heat a few degrees before bath time.

Put blankets in the dryer and cover her up. 

Have your husband put a towel in the dryer before the bath.  Get him to bring it to you when you’re done bathing the child. 

Plug in a hairdryer and point it at the tub.  

Dry child’s hair while still in the tub. 

Run the shower before the bath.  (huh?  I don’t even get this)

Me:  Towel?

I mean.  A TOWEL is what that is for.  It is NOT what hairdryers are for.

Mom #445: How much is too much acidic fruit for a 20 month old?  My son just ate a WHOLE clementine and wants another.
*wrings hands*
Me: Please don’t give your child another bit of fruit for 5-7 days.  

When a mom asked how long COOKED chicken could sit out on the counter and still be safe to eat:

Food Safety Mom:  Cooked meat has a 20 minute window for consumption when left out on the counter. I’ve taken food safety courses….
Me:  So when I cook chicken for dinner, my family has 20 minutes to gobble that stuff up or we’re all doomed?  Eh, I don’t think many people follow that rule and look at us all still here and still alive.
Food Safety Mom: Obviously people do leave it out longer and yes it’s 20 minutes.
Me: buuuuuuut…it takes me longer to EAT THE FOOD than it does for the food to go bad…..????
Food Safety Mom:  You’re rude.
Me:

From afraid to eat cooked chicken to a child who eats their boogers:

Mom #278: Anyone ever been to a professional for advice on how to deal with a kid who picks his nose and eats the findings?
Me:  It’s what they do. Save your money.

Mom #989: What age did you notice your child might need glasses?  My daughter is six and is starting to complain that she can’t see the board in school.
Me:  Okay.  Six.   But I’m just guessing. 

Mom #604: Any advice on reading to a 14 month old?  She pays NO attention.  She just wants to throw the books around.
Me:  Unreal.  Have you tried resetting her by pressing the home button and the power button at the same time? 

Mom #377:  Has anyone ever taken an 8 week old to the movies?
Me:  No.  Don’t do that.  

Mom #793:  My daughter played with my husband’s shave razor thing.  She is bleeding. What should I do?
Me:  “Shave razor thing”?  Sooo…. A RAZOR?  I mean.  I’m not entirely sure, but whenever *I* am bleeding I PUT A BAND-AID ON IT.  So, you’re going to put the band-aid on the spot where the ACTUAL blood is coming out.  Then you put the RAZOR AWAY. 

Mom #446:  Mamas, how do you store books, movies, DVDs in the car?
Mom #212:  First off I never EVER take more than 3 movies on a regular day.
Me:  Okay, your kid watches too many movies.  

Mom #709:  I’m pregnant with Baby #2 and planning a gender reveal!  Any creative ideas on something suspenseful?
Me: Wait until the delivery room?  

Mom #369:  Totally forgot that tonight is spring forward!  Any tips for combatting this time change?
Me: Yes.  We all should have been asleep 3 days ago.  

Mom #867:  Ladies I need some help.  I have been trying to lose weight but it’s so hard.  I have a gym membership but I hate working out alone.
Me:  Wait. Are you the only one in the gym?  

Mom #140:  Entertainment ideas for a 1 year old birthday party?
Me: a pack of bubbles and some bouncy balls.  Plus also some alcohol.  

Mom #598:  Help!  My 3 year old just informed me that the Easter Bunny leaves a footprint trail to her basket!  What should I do?  Any creative ideas?
Me: Uh. Nope. Kids don’t make the rules on what the bunny does or doesn’t do. You start listening to them now and at Christmas you’ll be walking on your own roof because “the reindeer make sounds on the house”. 

There you have it.  Feeling pretty smart and like a wonderful parent today?

You’re welcome.

See you next time on We Have Common Sense Yes We Do.