On the way home from preschool I’m playing her Toddler Tunes Pandora channel in the car. I start singing along. Because, why wouldn’t I? Josie gets mad at me for singing over her. She tells me to “STOP SINGING DAT!” in a pretty loud voice. So then I just start lip-syncing instead. She sees me in the rearview mirror and says, “WAIT! OH NO! OH NO WAIT MOMMY! YOOK AT YOU FACE!!! DARES NO SOUND COMIN OUT YOU MOUFF!!! YOU BROKEN MOMMY!!”

At gymnastics and lined up waiting for the teacher to walk them to class.
Coach: Josie, do you have to potty?
Josie: Yes
Coach looks at me and I take her to the bathroom.
Josie walks in with me and looks around for several seconds.
Josie: Wait. I don’t do DIS! Dis is a pwase for big gurls.
Turns around and walks out.

At LensCrafters getting glasses for Allison and she’s trying various ones on.
Me: Hmm…I’m not sure about those, Allie.
Her: Why?
Me: Well. When you’re walking around The Container Store and you run across a 95 year old lady in those glasses? You’ll understand.
Her: WHY would I be walking around in The Container Store?
Caroline: And WHY would a 95 year old lady be organizing her life if she’s about to die?

Josie: I yike pigs. Day berry muddy.
Me: They ARE very muddy.
Josie: I yike cows, too. Day berry hungee.

Caroline: Mommy? You have NO TASTE. Probably because you were made in the nineteens. No. Wait. The seventies.

Looking for parking at the airport and it’s $36 per day.
Tony and I: Oh wow. That’s a lot.
Caroline: It’s okay. It’s on clearance. (clearance 8 feet)

At Turks and Caicos eating pizza and Josie is pouring cheese in her hand and eating it.
Tony: What kind of cheese is THAT?
Her: Silence
Tony: Is that PALM CHEESE?
Allison: It’s palm-mesan.

Picking up Josie at preschool after I took a trip to Target:
Me: I got something for you.
Her: Weely?!
Me: I did! I got a scooter for you! Like Caroline’s!
Her: WHHAAATT?!!?
Me: Yep. A scooter for YOU.
Her: *gasp* Mommy!! Oh my! I got hearts in my eyes for dat! Dank you!