Soapbox:
*a box or crate used as a makeshift stand for a public speaker.
*a thing that provides an opportunity for someone to air their views

I’m sure at one point in your life, if you’re a parent, you’ve had someone blurt out those three stupid, stupid words:

You’ll miss this.

And it’s most often spouted out when you’re right in the middle of a Toddler Tantrum. And this super-helpful-advice is likely given to you by a complete stranger. You know what? NO BARBARA. I actually will NOT miss this moment when my 3 year old is on the floor in the middle of Target. Screaming her ever lovin’ head off because I forgot she wanted to *hold* the bag of bagels, but then she didn’t. And then she did. Plus her sister looked at her shoes and that did her in.

Not a great time for you, BARBARA, to stroll on by with your delightful words of “wisdom”. Why not just pat me on the head as you pass?

Having four kids, people said this to me quite a bit. Let’s not forget that they’re all girls and I also got to hear “Four girls?! Bless your heart” just as much. That’s another fun one, but I’ll save that rant for another day.

So. What makes this comment and all those like it so annoying and unhelpful? I’m glad you asked! Let me explain what I think…

1. Not every moment of parenting is a beautiful picture perfect postcard memory in the making. Some (many!) are just really sucky. Telling a parent they’ll miss a screaming and biting toddler or a baby who cries all.night.long is an out of touch response. As if this crappy hardship is something to be cherished when all the parent is really hoping to do is survive.

2. “You should cherish these moments, you’ll want them back when they’re in college” makes a parent feel guilty in the moment. Trust me, I’ve felt it. Now the parent isn’t just on the verge of tears in the middle of the store, they’re feeling even worse for not appreciate this Target Temper Tantrum in the first place. As if every single night that your 6 year old wets the bed, you should be appreciative. Be sentimental! Cherish that urine smell, Momma!! Okay what?! No. I will not “want this back when they’re in college”.

3. Comments like these most often come from parents who aren’t in that stage of life anymore and just want to dole out their unsolicited nostalgia. I appreciate it Barbara, but you’re too far removed from this two year old stage and have a different recollection of how things went back then. I mean geez. I remember googling an address, putting it into Mapquest, finding a printer at a friend’s house, printing off the directions and looking at that print out as I’m just trying to get somewhere in my car. Do I want to go back to that nostalgia? NOPE. It was TOO HARD. The nostalgia comments aren’t helpful when you’re just trying not to wreck the car.

4. “One day you’ll want this back”. NOT A CHANCE BARBARA. My kid just threw up all down my hair and cheek and now I get to somehow figure out what to do with her while I shower (again), find clean clothes (good luck), take out the dogs, feed the other yelling-running-sharpie-holding kids, and find Little Josie’s left shoe……all before I can leave for an appointment that we’re already late for. I don’t need for you to tell me to “reflect on this moment”. I need some support here and maybe a hand? Or maybe just one of those “I’m sorry. That seems hard, how can I help?”.

So yeah. can we stop asking parents to appreciate The Now? Because sometimes The Now really stinks and we don’t want to appreciate it. We just want to get through it.

*Climbs down off of the soapbox*