Jan 27, 2017


I promised myself that I would take one second of video each day this year and create a movie every month.  ONE SECOND.  That’s all I have to do.  Turns out I’m taking more than one video a day and what should be a 31 second video is nearly tripled now.  It’s not even the end of the first month yet.  Which means I have approximately three hundred and forty-seventeen minutes of footage left to shoot.  I feel like Ron Howard or something.  Perhaps it’s the hair.

The other morning I was talking sternly about important things with the 14 year old.  It didn’t occur to me until I was well into this moment that I was holding a toy phone to my ear.  Fake calling Nanny on Josephine’s behalf.  I have an odd feeling that Emily wasn’t really taking me serious.  I think it ended up with me owing her cash or something.  I don’t know.  I was on the phone with Nanny.

On more than one occasion I’ve attempted to use Huggies wipes to clean faces.  On an 8 year old and an 11 year old.  Why don’t they appreciate that sweet gesture?

I go into the bathroom even when I don’t have to go to the bathroom.  It’s okay.  I make it seem like an emergency.  That way nobody bothers me while I play solitare.  They probably think I have a medical condition.

Last week I wore the same shirt for 4 days in a row.  I know I know.  A lot of people SAY they have worn the same shirt every day, but none have actually succeeded.  I have.  This is not “I didn’t SHOWER for 4 days”.  That’s not the same thing.  I showered and then put the same shirt back on.  Don’t worry, it’s not a sign of depression or anything.  It’s just a comfy shirt.  Plus it says ‘let’s stay home’ right there on the front.  I was hoping that having that motto spread across my bosom would work out.  Turns out, no.  The kids still need to be driven to the same amount of locations.  I’ll try again next week.

I let Allison wear my brown Fuggs (Fake Ugg Slippers) to school as if they were actual shoes.  I did not even think twice. Apparently wearing comfy things and shirts that are too big is the cool thing.  (Hmm…maybe they are on to something) She was going to wear my gray Fuggs, but she couldn’t get them off my feet.  Besides, I’d already been wearing them for 4 days.

I don’t care about photography trends.  You know, like this equipment and that equipment?  This method and that method?  Nope.  Don’t care.  For example, apparently now I “need” a fog machine in my arsenal?  That way, I can capture the sun rays as they gently stream through the window?  Uh.  No.  What the heck is THAT about?  Now people are telling me I need to buy some random thing in order to “shoot naturally”??  Pffft.  Whatever.

More often than not, if you pass me while driving, I am wearing pajama pants in that Yukon.  Neighbors smiling and waving while saying to each other on the street, “Oh, that Melissa, looks cute from the shoulders up, but the bottom half of her might as well have stayed in bed.  Trust me.  I saw her taking out the trash this morning.” I think it’s something to be said of a person who has more sleeping clothes than real clothes.  You know, like…I’d Rather Be Sleeping.

There are only two people that I will talk to on the phone.  Tony and my mother.  I LOATHE talking on the phone.  As far as I’m concerned, my iPhone is a camera and note-taking device that has the capability of sometimes calling people.  SOMEtimes. For the love of all things Target.  I do not even know why people do that.  The other day I heard this crazy noise and I was like, “WHAT THE HECK IS THAT WEIRD NOISE?!?!” and Caroline replied, “Um, that’s this phone, but I’m not gonna answer it because I use it for Minecraft”.

One last thing.  I’m not going to proofread this until I get back from Starbucks.  Because everyone is still asleep and I am going by myself by Jiminy.

Hold on, let me get my slippers.



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  1. Alishia Osborn says:

    You crack me up!