And is that amount greater than or equal to a new set of tires?

Because either the prices have gone up in the last year or I’m being swindled just a bit.

Or a lot.

I had my yearly eye appointment yesterday. Says sarcastically: What a blast that was. Actually, the exam part was great. I love my doctor. She’s so kind, funny, smart…all those good things. And here’s how my eye doctor is set up: The optometrist is completely separate from the glasses people. So, when I walk into the place, I go right to the back and have to walk by all the eye glasses swindlers.

I kinda don’t want to tell you the name of the joint, but I kinda do.

soitslenscrafters

theavalonlocation

theythinkeveryonethatgoestoavalonisloaded

Anyway, I have my eye exam in The Way Back Area of the place, and at the end, my sweet doctor said my prescription changed a bit, but that if I wanted to get new glasses, I could take my Rx anywhere.

I made Rookie Move #1 of saying I’d browse the frames on the way out.

Now comes the question: Why are glasses salesladies the new furniture salesmen? It’s like someone trying to sell me a leather sectional with cupholders and two matching recliners. Wheelin’ and dealin’. Always with the wheelin’ and dealin’.

I’m telling you what’s the truth, as soon as I made it to the end of the hallway, that chick was on me like jelly on toast.

Rookie Move #2 was when I sheepishly handed over my prescription.

WHYDIDIDOTHAT?!

She immediately says, “You have a $130 credit for new frames”. And I must admit that did get my fire lit just a little. Because I can squeeze $130 pretty tight and get some really cool frames.

Which, here’s another thing, if you don’t know much about glasses. The frames and lenses are SEPARATE deals. You can get $30 frames, but then you’ll end up paying more because you have to get the lenses made. It’s not like buying socks and shoes. You can buy the shoes, but you don’t have to buy the socks. Well, in this case, you HAVE to buy both.

So. Back to Valerie. (I’m calling her Valerie, but really I don’t know her actual name) Valerie holds her iPad and hovers behind me just enough for me to hear her breath, but not close enough to be standing next to me. It’s pretty weird.

I wander over and start looking at the frames. She’s hot on my trail.

Pick up frame 1. She’s still there. Pick up frame 2. She’s there. Pick up frame 3. You get the idea. Finally, I said, “Do I need to provide some insurance information or something?”

She got the message.

BUT THEN. She decides she needs to “sell it”.

Valerie. You’re not pushing a leather sofa right now. We’re talking about glasses that I wear sometimes when my contacts are itchy or I’ve been awake too long.

And that’s when I knew something was going down when she walked over with some $623 Prada frames. PRADA FRAMES y’all. I’m not going for your Prada frames since I’m wearing my Amazon underwear at the moment. Plus, they’re ugly.

The frames. Not my underwear.

Anyway, I kept looking at the $75 frames while Valerie continued to walk over some high-priced Gucci and Burberry mess. I’m not in need of contemporary flair. I just have a $130 credit. VALERIE.

I decide on my $75 ones and she leads me over to the consultation spot to discuss the lenses. She faced the iPad away from me and typed away on it like she was the stenographer in the OJ case. Once she was all typed out, she turned the iPad around and said, “This is what I can do on the price of the lenses”

GUYS. IT SAID $1130.

FOR LENSES

That’s when I laughed in her face. And then I said, “Let’s start by taking off that $52 protection fee.”
And do you know what she said? She said, “Well. Are you rough on your glasses? Because this fee includes one side for $25 and another side for $25. If you break them you get more.”

Aside from the fact that 25 plus 25 does not equal 52, I am also forty-eight and a half years old and I am not “rough” on my glasses.

Me: “I don’t need a protection fee and also that’s too much money for lenses” VALERIE.

She spends the next 10 minutes showing me prices and turning the iPad back around. Each time I say “No, that’s too much money. I don’t even wear glasses all the time so I’m not spending that much on Part Time Spectacles.” I told her again and again that I would just order glasses online/from somewhere else.

That was a challenge for her.

She turns the iPad to me one final time saying “This is the best I can do. $656 is the best I can do. But if you want I can take the *extra glossy* fee off”. SO $656 ISN’T THE BEST YOU CAN DO THEN. VALERIE.

(By this point I’m not even listening so I actually don’t know if it was called the *extra glossy* fee.)

All I hear is Charlie Brown’s teacher talking. I don’t hear a word she’s saying. I’m just typing everything down in my notes on my phone. I’m holding my phone in front of my face, y’all. I know. That was rude, but she just kept going. Try’na push that leather sectional.

I’m not buying your leather sectional. I said a final “This is too much money”, took my Rx and hit the road.

And on the way out, as I looked back at her in her own *extra glossy* glasses and her stupid iPad I couldn’t help but think…

You’re glasses aren’t even cute. I bet they’re Prada. VALERIE.