No really. I actually am too old for this.

Having four kids is HARD. I’m not even going to pretend it isn’t. I think back to how things were before Josie came along. How we had three girls…11, 9 and 6…who were all taking care of themselves. I had it made, if I’m being honest. Really, all I had to do was ask them questions:

Did you brush your teeth? Are you wearing clean underwear? Shouldn’t you be reading or something? Have you practiced your violin? Are you kidding me with that snack choice? Those shorts? NO.

At this point in my life I am still asking those questions, but now I’m also chasing around an almost 11 month old. Getting leaves out of her mouth. Keeping her from eating grout out of the fireplace. Trying to trim those itty bitty nails of hers.

Can I just confess something? It is incredibly hard going from discussing friend troubles with a 13 year old to turning around and seeing Josie eating a dog treat. The whole part where I need to switch gears so quickly is so very exhausting. Switching from ‘no you can’t wear that much mascara’ to ‘please don’t tell me you pooped out of your clothes’. Y’all. It’s not for wimps. And do you even KNOW what the MOST ANNOYING thing is to hear fly out of a person’s mouth? It’s this:

‘You have four kids? Oh wow. Well, it’s so much easier for you though because your girls are older’.

WRONG, but thanks for that assumption.

Getting up and down off of the floor with a baby is tricky when you’re 41. I’m not even going to pretend it isn’t. Plus, I’m trying to keep up with the ‘cool moms’ who are in their 20s with babies the same age. They wear their hair in cute side braid things and do pilates with the baby strapped to their back in a sling thingy. Or something. Me? Right now I’m wearing my Reagan/Bush ’84 t-shirt and not a one of the 20-something moms were even ALIVE at that time. And I can barely even spell pilates.

Let that seep into your biscuit for a minute.

The other day was the anniversary of Tony and I becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. It was November 10, 1991. When I told Allison and Emily? One of them said, ‘That was last century’. The other said, ‘Um. No? That wasn’t last century….*thinks for a minute*….Oh my gosh, Mom, it was TOTALLY LAST CENTURY!’. I couldn’t help but laugh at that one. I mean, what else can I do?

So, thinking back to my life a year and a half ago (even a year ago) I see just how simple I had it with those ‘big girls’ of mine. I didn’t wake up before 5am. There wasn’t anyone crying in the car every.single.time I drive somewhere. (My driving really isn’t that bad) I wasn’t stepping on random baby toys in the floor. Nobody was pulling toilet paper off of the roll like mad. I didn’t have to work SO HARD at staying awake all day. (Seriously, how do you people do that?) There wasn’t a box of baby wipes in the keeping room and a huge Fisher Price toy in the kitchen. I didn’t have a highchair to clean and I didn’t have to make sure the baby gates are closed. There was no stroller in the back of the car and I never knew how happy a kid could be eating leaves.

But then again, my car rides would be so boring without those cries and now I know that leaves are crunchy and tricky to retrieve from a baby’s mouth. Sure, the crying in the car is relentless and loud, but the alternative would be no Josie and I can’t imagine that now. I’d never know just how much toilet paper is on that roll or how many Kleenex are in those rectangular boxes. I wouldn’t have a baby to snuggle at nap time and no cute baby songs filling the house. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to push a stroller through the middle school or bounce a baby on my hip at Emily’s riding lesson. Yes, being a mom to big kids and a baby is hard, especially at 41 when the rest of the world is having babies earlier; however, being a mom to big kids and a baby is AMAZING. Seeing these big girls with a baby sister is just so worth it and such fun. Last night Caroline and Josie were crawling around the kitchen island and giggle each time one would pop around the corner. THAT is worth it. Sure I’m tired and sorting out how to handle big girl problems with little baby problems is exhausting. Then again, without this little one I’d never know what it’s like to play in the floor of the bathroom at 5:17 in the morning. How that blue ‘Little Sister’ sleeper she had on could look so cute. How she was so awake and smiley yet I was still so groggy. Because of this one, I’m seeing things in a whole new way. Things that I was missing out on before and I never knew I’d enjoy.

I’m too old for this. I also wouldn’t pass this by for anything.