Sep 23, 2020

Things they say

Chick-fil-A gave me a kid’s Sprite instead of a lemonade. Josie doesn’t do Sprite. I pass it back to her in the car and tell Emily, “shhh….maybe she won’t notice”. About 10 minutes later, she takes a long swig and I hear, “Ummmm…*why* is dis not yemmonade?!”

Josie: (Getting in the car to go to dinner while on vacation at the beach.)
WAIT! Where are we going?! Why are we driving away from duh beach?! Is duh west-a-want AT the beach?! STOP DWIVING!! You’re getting too away from duh beach!!!
(In fact, every single time we got in the car or walked anywhere she thought we were leaving the beach.)

Any time we drive while on vacation at the beach, Josie asks if we are going to our house where the dogs live or if we are going to our house at the beach. (We don’t have a house at the beach…just like most everyone else, we just pay too much money to *borrow* someone’s beach house.)

Reading a book to Josie at bedtime and the character in the book exclaims, “Say whaaaaaaaat?!” and Josie answers like she’s responding to a command, “What?” (She does this every time I read that book and it’s too cute.)

On the sunset cruise while on vacation. A mom is trying to get her daughter to look at the dolphin/barge/whatever it was I don’t know. And the mom is saying “Look! Maddie Maddie Maddie!! LOOK!!” Josie taps me on the leg and says, “dat gurl’s name is MaddieMaddieMaddie.”

Josie walking into Home Depot with her Daddy: So. Daddy. Is dis duh pwace for workers?”

Picking up Josie from school:
Me: How was your day?
Her: UGH. *insert kid name here* is NOT my friend!! He CUT IN DUH LINE!
Me: Oh my goodness that is so awful. What does that mean?
Her: *takes a deep breath* I DO NOT ACTUALLY EVEN KNOW!
*sits in silence for a bit*
But he is NOT my friend.

On the way home from school Josie is getting sassy and loud with me from the backseat because I am not letting her watch a movie. (We don’t even have a TV/DVD player in the car.)
Me: Okay. That’s enough. If you’re going to talk mean to me, then you KEEP. YOUR. MOUTH. SHUT. young lady.
Her: *grits teeth and speaks through closed lips without opening her mouth* I. WANNA. WATCH. A MOVIE. RIGHT. NOW.

Josie brings me a drawing that she did of me. It’s so very cute….except…she has circled me and drawn a line through the circle. Like a No Parking sign. She drew hearts all over, but again, drew circles around them and crossed them out with a line. She holds the drawing behind her back saying “I have a suh-pwize for you.” She hands me the picture and follows up with, “Mommy, I need to tell you that you made me mad. You NOT let me have a paci until it’s time for night-night. You NOT let me do duh iPad for a lot of times. You tell me GO PLAY OUTSIDE. AND you DON’T let me hit Caroline.”

(Meanest mommy ever, I know, but I think this four year old may need anger management classes.)

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