Dec 30, 2023

Things They Say

While at the Braves game, Tony, Josie, Caroline and I are in the Delta Club. It’s a food service area below the stadium. The food is extra yummy. If you don’t have someone constantly seated at your table? Another person will waltz right up and take that cozy table. Now that you have that background information:

Tony: Okay. I’m going to go grab something to eat.
Caroline: Well. I guess we will just sit here like the women of 1812 and wait for you to get back with the food.

Caroline (on the way home from school): Mother. I hope I marry well because I am SO DONE with going to school.

Josie on her bike (keep in mind, she plays with more boys than girls in the neighborhood):
Me: Well Josie? You don’t have nuts.
Her: *side eye* whuuuuuut?
Me: YOU don’t have nuts. BOYS have nuts. It goes with their penis. You know, their pickle?
Her: Oooooohhhhhhhh. Okay. You know it actually does look like a pickle.
Me: That’s enough.

Josie: How do mommies know everything but daddies don’t? 
Me: Wait. Daddies know a lot of stuff too. Daddies know a lot and mommies know a lot. 
Her: But mommies know more because they had the baby. 
Me: Well. Everyone knows about stuff differently. Maybe a daddy knows a lot about plants or worms or cooking. And maybe a mommy knows a lot about something else. 
Her: Oh yeah. That’s right I think.
Me: And when you grow up you’ll know a lot about something too. But listen you’ll always be learning something. You’ll never know it all. Even I’m still learning stuff. 
Her. Yeah like how to spell penguin. 
Her. Yeah well you need to learn it. 

Josie: Can Cubans hibernate?
(I have yet to understand why she asked this.)

In the car, driving to Charleston for spring break, Josie and Caroline are picking on each other.
Josie: Caroline? Why are you not smart?
Caroline: Josie?! One day karma is gonna get you.
*30 minutes later*
Josie: Still not here!
Us: What?
Josie: My karma. Still hasn’t shown up!

Josie: Mommy. How does your upper lip even smell?

Josie: Mommy when is Monica coming? 
Me: We don’t know a Monica 
Josie: We do! When is Monica coming to our house? 
Me: SHE. IS. NOT. COMING. Also, who is Monica?
Josie: She brings candles! You know! Monica with the candles!! 
Josie: THATS IT!! 
Me: Ah….December 7th.

Leaving Poppy’s after Christmas. Josie got a snuggie thing with a unicorn head on it. 
Tony to Josie: What do you call that thing that Poppy and Nana gave you? That thing that you wrap up in with the unicorn head? Man. I forgot what it’s called. Is it a wubbie or something? 
Josie: Um….I think it’s called your mom.  

Caroline: Mom
Me: What?
Caroline: Next dog should be a Great Dane. OMG.
Me: Absolutely not.
Caroline: Ugh.
Me: fahgeddaboutit
Caroline: ERM WHY NOT?!
Me: Too big. He’d eat right off the stove while just standing there.
Caroline: But think about how majestic he would look standing guard outside our door. We can’t make him fat like Max though. We will have to throw him one ball every day.
Me: Well seeing as how we won’t be getting one I don’t actually have to worry about getting one fat, now do I?
Caroline: In time you shall understand.

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