…and now every time I sit down, a weird groaning sound escapes my mouth.
It also happens when I stand. And walk. And move my pinky finger. Plus thinking about things is tricky. I don’t get it.

Unfortunately we have some stairs in our house and I’m really just thinking of moving all of my things to the main floor so that I don’t have to crawl on all fours just to get a pair of socks from upstairs.

But! Just like when I ran my first Peachtree Road Race, I had a few thoughts pop into my head along the way as I ran the Publix Atlanta Half Marathon (other people ran the full, but I wasn’t feeling as skippy as them yet).

1. Some of these people have dressed for style. Y’all. It’s 34 degrees out here. I know that might not be cold to some people but we’re Georgia folks. I live here because I DO NOT appreciate any weather day that is below 50 degrees. This is the South. We eat biscuits with fried chicken topped with gravy. That’s cooked dough batter topped with uncooked dough batter. But really. Why are these people (always the girls) dressed in their 6 year old little sister’s hot pink shorts and matching spaghetti strap training bra? We don’t do that here. Put some clothes on because y’all are making me even colder.

2. The signs. The signs had me giggling. Here are the ones I remember:
Where is everyone going?
Run if you think I’m super hot.
Run POOKIE Run!
Go Sexy! (These people were just sitting on their porch having mimosas at the time I trotted by and their sign was a dry erase board propped in front of them. Like they were saying “We want to support you, but we want to do it with as little effort as possible. And also with alcohol.)
Yes, I love attention, too.
Don’t Trust the Fart
Hurry up I want to meet for a beer
You should have taken that dump when you had the chance
All this for a stupid banana

3. There must have been 100 porta-potties near the finish line, but along the Parade Route we were all on they only had a handful of them every 4 miles or so? People got lucky though because since this race weaved all though downtown Atlanta, there was a bit of construction happening here and there. And what’s required on construction sites? Yep. A yummy little porta potty. A toilet in a box that no less than 75 burly cheeseburger-n-Taco-Bell-eatin’ construction workers have been using all week long. And let me tell you. These runners had no issue crackin’ that door open and adding to whatever was already inside. No thanks bud. I can hold it for 13.1 miles. Thankyouverymuch.

4. The water stations are great. I do appreciate those even when it is 34 degrees out. I grabbed that water like it was everything to me and my life depended on it. Gulped it down. A 19 year old boy at a keg party in his first semester of college. Only it was blue Powerade. And if there’s anything I detest it’s blue Powerade. The blue cup that said POWERADE on the side should have given it away. But dang maybe the nice lady could have yelled to me, “I AM HANDING YOU A POWERADE. IT IS THE FLAVOR OF CRUD. BE ON LOOKOUT!” Maybe then I would have been more aware.

5. I saw my girls’ high school band director along the way. He took a selfie of us. You are not allowed to see it here because I’m not sure what happened to my ears in the photo, but somehow they also took flight as I was running. I said something as we were cantering along together. Something like, “I can’t stop to talk…” (Although we did mumble a few sentences to each other.) As we separated a bit I thought, Well dang. He’s going to think I’m trying to get some sort of personal record here by saying I can’t stop to talk. But actually. I physically can’t really talk. It’s all I could do to put one foot in front of the other because by mile 11 my legs were whisper yelling up to me, “Look lady, we are doing our best here, but we can promise you that if you stop? WE WILL NOT START UP AGAIN.” And I straight up believed them. For sure.

6. Standing in a line of 30 people to use a porta-potty (which are, like I said, in a line of about 100…had to be) feels like you’re waiting to go on stage to perform something really spectacular. Then? We you get up there, open that porta-potty door and sneak behind that curtain to do your business? You’re beggin’ the Good Lord up in heaven to not stir up a big wind and blow that door right off. Because what a show that would be, am I right? That door pops open and there you crouch. Facing lines and lines of people (I’m not good at math–just ask anybody that question–but 30 people deep times about 100 poopy boxes…that’s a lot of people looking at The Show). It’s kinda hard to crouch, check 34 times that the door is locked, but also hold the door closed and perform. All while not dropping your earbuds anywhere.

I probably have more to say, but I’m tired y’all. Would I do this again? Heck yeah I would that medal is NICE. And? I ran the WHOLE DANG THING. Can’tstopwon’tstop. I honestly didn’t think I could do that since I only signed up for this joker two and a half weeks ago. I have been running several days a week since last May (May was baby, baby runs), but I just decided to sign up and go for it. I’m glad I did and I sure am glad I dressed for warmth and not for style, but next time I’ll watch out for those blue Powerade cups.

And now for the absolute cheesiest photo to ever be seen. Haha. That chickadee didn’t even give me a warning on when she was taking the photo. Just “click” and “You’re welcome!” then she actually ran away. Let me hurry and run off before she sees it…….