Nov 14, 2018

Random things I’ve learned from my toddler

The inside of a rolly polly is just one long string of yellow goo.  Except, wait.  It’s not a “long” string.  It’s fairly short goo.

The amount of time it takes for a toddler to put on her shoes is greater than or equal to 5, 678 minutes.

They will literally MELT DOWN in the most unaccommodating areas.  Including, but not limited to, the hottest sand on the beach in Florida and the middles of the street.

I am too old to care what other people think when my toddler is lying in the floor of the public school.

I am also too laid back to care that she just licked the top of my shoe while lying on that floor.

I am able to tune out toddler yells from behind me in the car as I drive her toddler butt to *insert random toddler outing here*.

Pulling over and simply opening my door will shut her right up, however.

There are cool and amazing things all around me.  For example, “yook at dat big tall bidding.  Got a fwag on duh tip top uf it. It a wed, and boo, and white fwag.  It bwowin in duh win” (Look at that big tall building.  Got a flag on the tip top of it.  It’s a red and blue and white flag.  It’s blowing in the wind”) 

Holding hands and doing One Two Three JUMP!  Is pretty fun.

Gummy melatonin comes in handy.

Toddlers can go through a pound of white American deli cheese in a few short days.

Rolling in the floor while screaming “I DON WANNA TAKE A NAP!!!” Will automatically elevate you to Nap Status.

Watching a toddler try and run on a trampoline is pretty darn funny.

The word ‘whisper’ means something entirely different to a toddler.

Toddlers will ACTUALLY FIGHT YOU for the last cookie.

It’s okay if they eat out of the trash.

Talking to a tree is the same as talking to a toddler as they have the same listening skills.

They don’t care what you wear, how your hair looks, or if you’ve showered.  Toddlers don’t mind if you don’t cook yummy food every night and they love wearing pajamas all day.  They will snuggle up all over you and love you right on up anyway.

(They’ll also do pretty much anything you want if you end the command with . . . ‘I will give you m&ms . . . ‘


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