Mar 27, 2021

Survival skills for living in the south

Georgia native here and lately I’m seeing a slew of folks moving here from up north, Colorado and California. A common question I’ve seen in local Facebook groups is “How hot will it be?” Hmmm…how hot is your oven on it’s highest setting? It will be that hot. Plus the air will be wet. They call it humidity. I call it wet air. The air is just….wet.

and also “Will soccer clubs cancel if it’s too hot?” Lord no. We don’t cancel anything for heat. Just bring a Yeti cooler full of bagged ice and one of those personal fans that spits water.

So, instead of having to keep answering question after question, I thought I’d give you some tips on how to make it here in the south. You can print this and highlight if necessary.

1. Do NOT call it Hotlanta. Nobody says that.

2. Grits go with anything. So do biscuits and fried chicken.

3. When someone lets your merge, for the love of the Braves, you wave back. ALWAYS. I accidentally gave someone the finger for not saying “thank you for the merge!”. I’m kidding. Or am I?

4. A biscuit is not a roll and a roll is not a biscuit.

5. It’s pronounced “appa-LATCH-un” trail/mountains/etc.

6. Decide on which casserole will represent your family and stick with it. You will be asked to “bring a dish” to events. That casserole is your dish. If you aren’t sure which one to choose, find your nearest southerner and ask. I can help if needed.

7. If you plan a wedding during college football season or hunting season people will not attend. They will be busy.

8. Which reminds me, you will need to choose an SEC team. It DOES NOT have to be UGA simply because you live in Georgia. Read up on the SEC schools and just choose one.

9. It’s dressing. PERIOD.

10. Hats come off when the anthem is played.

11. Swat first, look second. Meaning, if you think something bug-like is crawling on you (it is), and you look first? You’re already bitten.

12. Saying ma’am and sir are polite. It’s not someone referring to you as an old lady or old man.

13. This is the Land of Coke. Don’t be asking for Pepsi. People will look at you funny. And it’s not funny.

14. That “red dirt” is called clay. Red clay. You can’t plant in it and nothing will grow in it. Just accept that now.

15. Sweet tea is the state drink. The more sugar the better. If you want it unsweetened just go ahead and lick the tea bag right out of the box. If you want it hot set it in the sun.

16. Breakfast is in the morning, lunch is also called dinner and the evening meal goes by the name of supper.

7. We fry everything. Even Oreos.

18. Monograms. Oh Lord at the monograms.

19. Pull over when you see a funeral procession even if it’s coming in the opposite direction. It’s a sign of respect.

20. The first two questions you’ll be asked are, what church do you go to and what SEC team you root for. Refer to Rule 8.

21. When someone moves in we take them cake or cookies. Donuts work, too. Also pie.

22. Dolly Parton is a royal.

23. Your seasonal wardrobe is now obsolete. We don’t dress by the calendar we dress by the thermometer.

24. Learn to say ‘Bless your heart’ and when to use it correctly in a sentence. It’s a term of endearment, but also a huge insult. “I see Mary decided to try a new hair color. Bless her heart.”

25. Cockroaches are as big as your pinky finger and they fly. Get ready for that one.

26. Meat-n-three is not the name of a band. It means one meat and 3 vegetables. Macaroni is a vegetable here.

27. Chick-fil-A is also called Jesus’s Chicken. If you want CFA, but missed the turn, just drive one more mile and you’ll see another.

Hope these help. And remember, if you need options on your Family Casserole, shoot me a message via the contact form.

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