Mar 6, 2018

The Moms Group

Well.  I joined a moms group on The Facebook.  I know.  I don’t get it either.  I mean, after 4 kids do I REALLY need suggestions on the best diaper cream?  Do I REALLY need to ask someone, A TOTAL STRANGER, how to rid my toddler of a hangnail?

The answer is no.  Partly because I’m old enough to Google, but mostly because I’m made up of about 98% common sense.

“Then why, Melissa, did you join a moms group, pray tell?”

Three reasons:

  1. Because the crazy things people ask makes for good blog content.
  2. Because it makes me feel smart.
  3. I need something to read in the bathroom.  (like you don’t)

First off, let’s shoot right to it.  Why do people 1) ask people they have never met, NEVER EVEN SEEN, what they should do?  and 2) Why let total strangers impact their decision making?

Okay.  So those two mostly mean the same thing, but not really.

For example, people will ask total strangers if they should cut their 9 month old’s hair.  “Here’s what his hair looks like when I comb it back.  Here’s what it looks like when I don’t”.

Me:  Yeah.  That looks exactly the same.

He’s not the freaking Gerber Baby or anything.  JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!  For the love.

So, just for fun (and to make you all feel SUPER confident in your parenting skills) here’s a couple of samples I’ve ran across in the moms group on The Facebook.  I am including my actual answers to these posts.

Mom #378:  How can I keep my daughter’s panties from going up her crack? 

Me:  Go without panties. 

 

Mom#814: How do you label your kid’s cups for school if you don’t have a label machine? 

Me: Sharpie. 

 

Mom #163: Help!  My 10 month old bites/hits when I nurse her what should I do?  

Me:  Stop putting your boobie in her mouth.

 

Mom #297:  Going to the zoo for the first time tomorrow!  What are some attractions we should see? 

Me:  the animals. 

 

Mom #764:  My daughter’s birthday is tomorrow and she wants to watch a “prince movie”.  Suggestions?  

Me:  Purple Rain. 

 

Mom #571:  Suggestions on a sippy cup for a 7 year old?  

Me:  Your kid is SEVEN.  Don’t give him a sippy cup.  

 

Mom #391:  I feel like my 16 month old can eat more than me! How do I know when it’s too much? 

Me:  When she pukes it’s too much. 

 

Mom #211:  I’m looking for a tutor for my 2 year old.  Any suggestions? 

Me:  Wait. You want a tutor for a TODDLER?   NO.  

 

Mom #184:  Can anyone suggest a plate that stays suctioned to the counter?  My toddler keeps throwing the plate. 

Me:  Lose the plate and just put the food directly on the counter. He can’t throw that.  

 

Mom #711:  I think my child is allergic to milk.  What are some foods that don’t contain milk? 

Me:  fruits and vegetables.  

 

Y’all.  I’m surprised that, with all this sass I put out,  I haven’t been kicked out of this moms group on The Facebook yet.  This is only the TIP of the iceberg of awesomeness.  New questions and concerns aimed at TOTAL STRANGERS pop up every single day.  I am making this a weekly blog post.  If anything it will make us all feel super smart.

Until next time, keep your fingers out of the outlets and put your pants on BEFORE your shoes.

 

 

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COMMENTs:

  1. Katie says:

    You really oughta write a parenting book.
    These are the best answers ever. ; )

  2. […] In case you missed the last episode of The Moms Group: ┬áHere ya’ go […]