Caroline: The thing that gives me the most trouble when I’m trying to spy on you?
Me: yes?
Caroline: When I look through your texts you always say ‘SHE’. You never use anyone’s name and I don’t know who you’re talking about.  UUGGGHHH.

Speech Language Pathologist: Let’s try and get her to extremely limit the use of her pacifier.
Me to last baby: Here Josie.  Let me show you how to clip that on your shirt so you won’t drop it.

Me (after hearing Allison tell another geeky band story): I just love band kids.
Allison:  Doesn’t everyone?

Josie climbs on my lap holding a cup of juice.  She vurps and it goes all down her shirt.  She decides to wipe it with her hands.  “Ewwww.  Mouff poop”, she says.

Me (talking to Josie while we are in the car): So today we are going to get breakfast at Chick-fil-A.  You can play on the playground! Then, we go to Target to pick up a present.  Then we go to Emily’s school to pick up paperwork. After that we will to the plant nursery and get some plants.  After that you will have a snack at home.  Then you will take a nap, okay?
Josie: No.  No nap.  No baby.  No nap.  Me (taps chest). Me big.  BIG.

Allison yelling from inside the pantry: OH MY GOSH THIS APPLE HAS A BELLYBUTTON.
Entire family:  erupts in laughter.

Josie (while trying to hide Lego people from me and she hits her head on Caroline’s headboard): Lego me boo boo.