May 9, 2018

I touched a nerve in the mom’s group

First off, let me say that I VERY RARELY start my own posts in that group.

Second off, as I type this right now my 2 year old is playing on my phone.  Meaning I am NOT against screen time.

Third off, I will say that there are some VERY NICE and LOGICAL moms in the group.

And also there are not.

It all started when we went out to dinner as a family and, yet again, I noticed that our table was one of two tables in a very crowded restaurant where the children were…(gasp!!!)… talking with each other and the adults.  This is such a pet peeve of mine for a number of reasons.  You’ll figure out those reasons while reading this Soap Box Rant.

*if you are one who let’s your kid play on a device the entire time while out to eat rather than expect them to converse, you might wanna stop reading right now.  Just click the X up top and go have a cookie or something*

Anyway, I posted the following in the mom’s group.


Moms/Dads/Grandmas/Aunts, please have your sons (and daughters) put down the devices at the table and teach them how to hold a conversation. My kids (and yours!) are going to need some people to date in a few years and they’d like someone who knows how to talk at the dinner table. When we go out to eat (often) it never fails that we see 95% of young people on their devices rather than interacting with others at the table. C’mon. I need some good dating material for these girls of mine. My husband isn’t going to accept any ol’ boy. *insert LOL emoji*

At first, things looked pretty good.  The majority of people thought that was a great idea.

Responses were:

Preach girl!

OMG I agree!

I have two boys who don’t ever touch our phones especially when we are out to eat.


There was *like* after *like* after *like* and nice comments for a while.

And then…

Some people started throwing wood chips on the playground, y’all.

Actually, I’d say that it was a pretty even split on who thought I was a twat nugget and who stood up to applaud.

But those who thought I was a twat nugget for even BRINGING IT UP were LOUD.


And also their middle FINGER.

And the thing about those moms who disagreed with me?  They didn’t actually have valid reasons for allowing the use of devices at the table.


For example, one mom said:  “at home, zero electronics are allowed at the table, but when we go out my husband and I want a quiet dinner so we allow the kids to use devices”

What the ever-lovin’ heck?

So lemme get this straight right now.   Rather than TEACH THEM HOW TO SIT IN A RESTAURANT WITHOUT A DEVICE, you’ll just hand it over so you can have a “quiet dinner”?  And why are At Home Expectations different from Eating Out Expectations?

This same mom said: I would rather ensure a quiet time so I can actually converse with my husband. I’m a stay at home mom, 24/7. My hubby works super long hours and doesn’t always have a day off. Sometimes it’s just nice to go out and have a peaceful dinner.

So…..your kids are a hassle and you’d rather not have them there at all so here take this device and shut up? And why screen time?  Why not color? Or talk?  Or play with Playdoh? Or stickers? Or draw?  Also, I too am a stay at home mom 24/7 with a husband who works super long hours.

But I didn’t say that.

Another mom says:  I used to agree with you until I had a speech and language delayed child. The only thing he likes to do at restaurants is play on the iPad.

Me:  Okay, I understand.  I also have a speech and language delayed child. (which, at the time this was posted, I DID)

Another mom says: I tried to get my child interested in coloring/drawing/stickers, but he’s more into gross motor skills so he plays the iPad instead.


I didn’t actually write that in the comments if you’re wondering.  However, what I WAS writing and trying to explain is:  why not teach them how to interact at the table?  I’m not saying don’t ever use a device.  Josie gets to play on my phone/scroll through pictures while we are out, but that’s not often and only when I’ve used up all of my distractions and we are still there.  My argument was:  1) Why not have dinner with them IN PUBLIC without a device if you’re doing it AT HOME without a device?  and 2) Why not teach them how to converse at the table, put their napkin in their laps, order their own food, make eye contact?  Wouldn’t it be easier on you in the long run if they KNOW how to do these things?  I’m not talking about kids with a sensory disorder who stress easily in public or loud places.  I’m also not talking about kids who simply can’t sit still and need lots and lots of distractions.

And that?  Is when the “mom shaming” comments came at me like wild darts.

About 30% of them were NOT happy with my idea of TEACHING THE KIDS what to do during a meal rather than use a device.  And what’s most crazy about it is that nobody had a real reason except that “they want it to be quiet while we eat”.

Well in that case?  You should have given birth to a turtle instead of AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

*again, my kids DO play on devices and some days they have their faces buried in them far too long.  HOWEVER, I expect them to speak at the table and have manners.  The number one manner being “get your face out of the freaking device”. 

Have to jet now. My kid is having a t-total meltdown because I took the phone from her…

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  1. katie says:


    I’m pissed off for you. You know what those parents are saying??? They don’t want to be around their kids. You want a nice dinner out with your spouse? Get a babysitter. You want quiet time without your kids always- DON’T HAVE KIDS. This has infuriated me since I had a child. Devices eff up kids. They make them demonic little creatures who become short tempered and easily frustrated and angry. When we go to dinner with our son, we go out as a family. It’s our time to find out how his day was. We talk – shockingly – with each other. It’s dinnertime…regardless of being at home or at a restaurant. And to your point, I’m not saying I will never let me child use an iphone…but it’s not the norm. Far from it. I only get to spend so much time with my child so you better believe when we are sitting together having dinner, none of our faces will be buried in a device.

    Long comment. But all of this to say, I’ve got your back, sister.